This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
