he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
