His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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