Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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