im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ttyl tear gas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
