if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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