I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
