He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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