I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
