we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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