Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
