maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
