If that was your dad, he is hot
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
