hell yes lets make some ravioli
She even gives head with a lisp.
She bit a glass in half.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
