So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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