And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
