For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
