Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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