I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
