i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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