He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
