worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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