Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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