Someone shit on the floor
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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