She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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