im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My cat gives me a boner
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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