Michael Bay diarrhea
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
