i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
