What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
