Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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