Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
