She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
