listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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