Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
