I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
