i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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