well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
