so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
