Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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