PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
