Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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