i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This house was built for laser tag.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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