I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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