I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
