matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is it fun? or sober?
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