tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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