i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
