She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
