Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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