the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
