I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
