Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
