I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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