Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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