I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
