Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
