ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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