pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
