I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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