and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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