Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
