I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
