If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
