You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
