Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize