Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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