I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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