does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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