On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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