You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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