We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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