I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
