her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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