Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
