Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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